Broken and Numb.

我有很多话想告诉你，可是不知道怎样开口。你的心已经决定好了。我也没权利改了对吧？我知道我有很多不好。我知道爱情这条路永远不容易走。我不完美。我脾气不好。我什么都不好。可是我爱你。我很爱很爱你。我没这样爱过一个人。你很好。你人很好。你对我很好。你对全部人都很好。你好遥远。我配不上你。我知道我配不上你。你好远好远。你记得那天我说，你实在太远了。你说了你会停下来让我追上来。我信了你。我好想赶快跑到你的身边抱着你。紧紧的抱着你。我很爱你。是不是太过爱了？是不是爱得不够？我不明白。我不要。。。我真的不要。我的心好疼。好疼。我好想再听听你的声音。我要。我真的很想要。你很美。你太过美。和你在一起的时候，整个世界都藏在你的眼睛。我没办法不看着你。我很爱你。真的很爱你。真的真的很爱你。你对我说了很多承诺。有几个是你做得到的？你对我说的永远呢？你对我说过你不会离开我。你说过永远都不会离开。你说过要和我白头到老。要一起老去。要永远在一起。我们的永远原来只是那么短吗？我不甘心。我不要。我要和你永远在一起。我做错了什么？我的心真的真的很疼。我还在哭。我真的好想你回来告诉我，你其实还爱我。你只是作弄我。我多么希望你回来。我不需要更好，因为你对我来说是最好。是我不够好吗？我到底错了在哪里？我不甘心。我真的不甘心。我不明白。是我不独立对吧？我很麻烦。asdanslcnnckqnekldjwndklqwldnqkvwlebvbgv fhwiefhiwffkewfewlinkfkilfwnkifebwlivewbvoiewhn

College Life So Far

Find me, won't ya?
I've started college in Sunway College;
Australian Matriculation.
People ask me why and I've no clue.

What's there to do besides going to cafes and such?
If being broke was a job, I'd ace in life.

Nothing says friendship more than going to eat burgers together.

Things our college has occasionally. 
Spot mine?

'cause what's a group study without laughter and gossips?

The love-hate relationship I have with lab days.
Long pants are too hot for comfort.

That's all for now.
Tata.

*Sweet like cherry wine...

Habits (Stay High)

Hi.

SPM was over 2 weeks ago?

Somewhere around there.

Yea.

It feels like ages ago.

Finished.

What now, you ask?

I dunno.

Nobody knows, I guess.

Ask yourself, what now?

'cause I dunno.

Why don't you tell me?

Yea.

Text me.

Call me.

Oh no, wait.

You can't.

I don't have my smartphone with me.

I do have my Samsung phone.

Not so smart though.

Still a phone.

I just got the SIM card fixed this morning.

So, yea.

Call me.

Text me.

No Whatsapp.

Nope.

Are you bored of this post?

Nah, I'm not.

I dunno.

I've been going out every single day after SPM.

Yeap.

Every single day.

Fuel?

Yea.

Money?

Yea.

Friends?

Yea.

I'm good.

Yea.

Real good.

I'm going to register at Sunway College tomorrow.

Australian Matriculation.

10 months Pre-U I think.

Nah, I don't think I'm going overseas.

Insufficient cash.

Bank account?

Low on cash.

Yea.

It's 'aite.

College.

Wow.

Yea.

College.

So fast.

~Kindergarten~

*woosh*

~Primary School~

*zoom*

~Secondary School~

*blink*

~College~

Yeap.

College.

Already.

Are you bored of this post?

Don't be.

Don't go.

Stay.

Please?

I'm sober, in case you're wondering.

Yea.

Sober as a judge.

No, wait.

Sober-er than a judge.

Yea.

I'm that sober.

Super sober.

Come find me.

I'll prove it to you.

What are you thinking?

Yea, you.

Are you as bored as I am?

No.

You're more bored than me.

Yea.

Boring you.

And boring me.

We make the perfect couple.

Let's get married.

No.

Don't come near me.

Go away.

No, wait.

Stay.

I'm lonely.

Yea.

Lonely............

Hi.

What are you thinking?

How was SPM, you ask?

Like usual.

Just more, exam-y.

Yea.

Exam-y.

With people walking around once in a while.

With their beady eyes.

Staring at the students.

Vomiting out our knowledge.

On pieces of paper.

For the sake of what?

I dunno.

Reasons of their own.

Mine?

Hmm....

For the sake of my parents?

Scholarships?

Or self-satisfaction?

Why not all?

Yea.

Life quote.

Really.

The phrase I've been quoting my life on.

"Why not both?"

So, why not all?

I finished SPM on the 25th.

Class party.

Sorta.

26th.

Interstellar @ SCM.

27th.

Snooker//Yumcha @ KP.

28th

Badminton @ U-One.

1st.

Mockingjay @ SCM.

2nd.

Grey Sky Morning @ Subang + Sunway Pyramid.

3rd.

Dad's office and errands.

4th.

Guides and Scouts Farewell @ Taman Tasik Shah Alam.

5th, 6th & 7th.

Work @ SCCC.

8th (Today).

6 Arif reunion @ SCM.

Which only consisted of 9 people.

Me, Zanne, Puts, Naz, Tuck, Mama's boy, Ustaz, Mar and Emo Boy.

Yong Xin and Mavis came for a while during their lunch break.

It was nice hanging out with them.

Really.

It's been a while.

Our last reunion dated 3 years back.

Nice.

So much has happened.

So much.

Too much.

I can't handle them.

They're eating me.

Those memories.

That memory.

That.

Yea.

What's that, you ask?

Come find me.

I'll tell you.

You're saying I'm desperate?

Yea, I'm.

So what?

Come.

I'll tell you a secret.

Wait.

You're going away, aren't you?

You.

Fine.

Off you go.

It's okay.

Yea.

Sober as a judge, remember?

We were the kewl kids.

The best.

The kewlest.

Ever.

Don't be jealous.

You're never gonna be as kewl as us.

Suck it up.

Sorry, that was mean.

Well, suck that up too.

'cause this world's mean.

Get used to it.

Okay, that was very mean.

Get used to that too.

I'm helping you.

You're ungrateful.

It's okay.

Hi.

I'm sexy, free and single.

Not so sure on the sexy part.

Mmkay.

I'm free and single.

Let's hang.

I'm broke though.

No, wait.

I'm not buying the iPhone 6 anymore.

Okay, let's hang.

Call me.

Text me.

Kay bye.

*I gotta stay high all the time to keep you off my mind.....

First of the new.

1940hours: Well, not so sure how to start the post.
It is the first post of 2014.
I wonder how all of you are doing. :)
Have you guys started with your New Year resolutions?
With the "Lose weight this year!", "Be in a relationship la please~", or "Must learn to be a better me."

It's alright if any of you are already starting to lose hope in just the first couple of weeks; mostly everyone does anyway. Then the cycle repeats itself next year. For me, this year, I really want to make it count. I really want to strive and reach higher than what I thought was my limit. I want to get a medal for this year's Cross Country event. I want to be organised and pass up all my homework on time. I want to slim down to 50kg and maintain it that way. I want to save money each and every day. I want to ignite back the fire in my friendships with my faded friends. I want to be able to focus on my studies.

To be honest, guys, I'm not the typical type of student that yawns and has droopy eyes once they step into school. I'm not one that needs 2 sleeping sessions a day just to get by. I should be grateful that I don't tire easily because of my hectic schedule. I'm really starting to try and change my bad habits, but not using vulgarities is a real difficulty for me hahah. (I'll try!) When last time I used to be so unwilling to just get my lazy butt off the chair and walk in school for my monitor duties, this year, I try to go out of my class and walk around as often as I can so I can at least exercise a little in school. Not in the ponteng-class type of going out la I mean heh.

Guys, I just want to be a little more useful. I don't want to feel like a burden anymore. I don't want to be a burden to myself. I don't want to suck in my studies. I'm not saying that I'm gonna excel as one of the most outstanding students in school, really, I'm just gonna go with the flow. I'm gonna do my homework from now on, try to absorb whatever my teacher's teaching and lessen my daydreams in class. It's hard to change habits that took years to built, but I believe with endurance and perseverance, I really am gonna achieve my goal.

Enough with the New Year resolutions, shall we? Let's get on with what I did after my last post. :)

28/12/13 (Saturday) Sunway Pyramid

I really can't remember but I just know my mum and I went Sunway Pyramid shopping that day hahah. I bought stuffs of course but I don't think so I took any photos of my "hasil belian" heh, sorry. I still took some pictures there though. :)

Drank Earl Grey tea while my mum ate some bread where we rest for a while at The Loaf. That's where I decided I wanted to slim down, seriously.

Christmas is over but, Merry Christmas guys! :D

What a lovely piano. ^_^

Really didn't know what to do with my hands hahaha!

She's the angel that protects me and I love her.

I guess that's about it for my day in Sunway. Next!

1/1/14 (Wednesday) Pasar Seni + Petaling Street

My dad is working at a place nearby there so while my mum and I wait for my dad, we went to walk around the Central Market. The place did a renovation and added an annexe to the main building. It should be new since it wasn't there the last I visited the place. I only walked around the ground level of the annexe but my mum and I did took a few shots before we left the building.

A pretty attractive kiosk that sells crepes!

A very beautiful painting. Such talent!

When my dad finished with his job nearby, all three of us went to Petaling Street. It's just situated quite near the area. A few blocks and some walking, we reached our destination! My parents wanted to buy some Chinese New Year stuffs hahaha. I feel so happy hearing Chinese New Year songs around me and seeing the tanglungs and decorations. I taste the rousing buzz of people that may also be feeling the same effect as me. I just can't help but jump like a young kid again just by all of these.Only today I almost burst out with joy in class because of a sudden electric excitement coursing through me. I really can't put it in words. I hope all of you have felt it at least once. :)

Okay, back to Chee Cheong Gai~ Not much photos taken. Only one hahah:

How I wish I'll get one of these bouquets someday... /sigh/

My parents did bought a few CNY decos for our house and their offices too. One of the things they bought was this horse plush toy!

Sorry hahah I only took my selfie with the toy. It's cute!

That's it for my New Year's Day! Let's see what's after that~

11/1/14 (Saturday) Mid Valley Megamall

Last Saturday, me and my mummie went to Mid Valley! She wants to look for Char Siew for our Chinese New Year open house on 8th of February, 年初九。It's just an annual party we have for relatives' only, so I cannot invite any of my friends. Oh well, one day, man. One day. My parents decided to cook Ramen this year hahah. We've had many sorts of dish in the past and every year, it's a different kind of food we serve. Can't wait for Chinese New Year to come so I can taste more deliciousness!

Aiya, apa I sudah lari tajuk. If this is karangan, I fail jor. Okay okay, focus! Can only focus with pictures hahaha:

My mum suddenly loves to take decorations liao hahah.

Decorations at the Centre Court of Mid Valley.

I love these vintage Chinese decorations. Gosh...

Extreme elegance in such little things.

Decorations displayed in The Gardens Mall.

Just a simple touch of here and there and it becomes so lovely.

Of course I got pose also la hahaha.

We wore same top colour hahah.

So classic la. :D

Macam kedai masa dulu-dulu la. Best!

Vintage Chinese Deco. :D

I love the cloth mannequins hahah.

I didn't even know why my mum called me to pose behind this lols.

Even a vintage tricycle hahah.

卖布店！

If only time travel was possible...

Even the divider also so nice!

Traditional deco #21342
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1710 hours: Sorry omg. I was too tired to finish the post yesterday. I kept yawning non-stop and my eye lids felt so heavy that they kept drooping so I stopped halfway. Let's continue, shall we? Heh.
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There was a very beautiful blue and white cheongsam that looks like porcelain hanging in the closet. I searched high and low for it in The Robinsons and Isetan but the information counter said that they didn't know where the clothes were bought from. Sigh, I wanted it la.

The HSBC booth hahah. I'd be so freaking awkward if one of them has worked with me before. I'd scram off somewhere the next moment.




















We were walking around and we saw this quartet performing Chinese New Year songs. Very talented hahah. I really love the traditional Chinese instrument. Very soothing and it gives this feeling that's very nice I just can't explain. :)

These group of people were dancing after the quartet performance. I love their style!

I want to have a drawing of my face like that someday. So China girl-ish and vintage. So much love.

"Da heck is this shit?" Hhahaha.

I especially love the thermos hahah. So freaking traditional!

That's all for Midvalley and The Gardens' decorations. I didn't bought a single clothing item omg. Two dresses from Guess caught my eye though, so I went in and checked the price. Fulamak! I only checked the first dress and it costs RM300++. Paisei I not so standard. Bo lui buy. Straight exit the shop. Next time la, next time. When I slimmer and got money.

Not much to say already I guess. Today's Prophet Muhammad's birthday so it's a public holiday. But this also means got extra tuition classes, gosh. I went to Grace Tay's class this morning from 9.30am to 12pm. We only wrote karangan the whole 2 and a half hours. I think the karangan I wrote was the best one so far. I did "Konserto Terakhir" and only 3 isi but almost all of my paragraphs are one full page. I hope I get high marks on this!

Then I came back home, cycled for 25 minutes, bathe and had my tuna sandwich. Simple but delicious hahah. I swear I can eat tuna sandwich for 3 meals a day, but that wouldn't be good because no variety hah. Then I went out a few minutes before 2pm. Ivan got my Accounts book from Charlene and he promised that he would pass it to me at Delta around 2pm. Mana tau I waited for him until 2.10pm or something! I was almost late for Alfred's class gosh. When I was crossing the road to Delta after putting my bag in Physics class, I saw Kam Teng, Shin Wee and Ee Wern shouting at me about me being slim and stuff. Walao I sibeh am song hahah. Lian Qi and CBS were also there calling me. I kena puji lose weight liao leh. As a girl, of course I freaking happy la omg hahaha. THANKS SO MUCH YOU GUYS!!! It means so much to me. /wipes tears/ I thought Wan Nee was gonna join me for Physics class but then she came and told me she's going to Sugu's class instead. Admitting guiltily now, I was actually nervous the whole time because the High School guys were quite behind us. After knowing something from Ian yesterday, I'm still blur about that but when Wan Nee told me she isn't gonna join me in Alpha, I suddenly shouted "FUCK YOU!" so loudly. I didn't know what came over me. I shouldn't be nervous. I didn't even mean to do that. These rumors are gonna kill me. Sorry, Wan Nee. Sigh.

I guess I have nothing else to type d. Later 6.30pm I have Linda's Form 4 Chemistry. Gonna join it for ulangkaji for the first time. I don't know where I put my notes d. Sigh, at least I'll be revising stuffs. I ate fish soup with veges already just now but I'm still a bit hungry, so I think I'll cut a kiwi before I leave the house.

Bye, guys.
I'm still improving.
Sorry.

*One day you're screaming you love me loud, the next day you're so cold.