Midnight~

I feel tired and I'm listening to some sad songs while emoing. I wanna sleep le but my fingers suddenly click on my blog so.... I got nothing to write and it's like 1am now. Wednesday is exam le. Why am I feeling so down now... =( Something is aching in my heart but I dunno wat. I've been wanting to post my true feelings on the blog... I dun think anybody will be reading my blog since it's been abandoned for quite some time. Well then, here it goes:

I think I dun have true friends. I'm smiling on the outside but they don't actually talk to me much. Yi Ern is always with Khei Lai and Joey. Hooi Shin and Meng Yeng are also with Yi Ern, Khei Lai and Joey. Wan Nee is closer to Aevyn and Sin Yee. Saw Hui, Aevyn and Sin Yee are a tight group and I just can't communicate with them. I'm good friends with Lian Qi but nothing can come between Heidi and Lian Qi. I don't really know if I can unlock my heart and put my trust in them.

School is killing me. Not only homeworks but teachers and 'friendships'... How can I know if they're really my friends... Exams are near and I'm still not studying. I'm becoming more of a rebel. Besides school life, I'm also chasing Korean stars. Buying their merchandise, finding news about them but sometimes I feel like it's wasting my time. I dun mean it to be bad but I should try to spend time more wisely. Wasting money on unnecessary stuffs. Eating like there's no tomorrow. No wonder I'm growing fatter. I'm short... It's killing me. I wasted my childhood by not going to a better school and not learning Mandrin was my deepest regret.

I feel like such a desperate person. Everyday watching couples go by is hurtful. All those beautiful girls with such slim body is torture. Their bodies are to-die-for. Saw Hui is such a sociable person. I feel like a fat, ugly and short idiot... Whenever I see guys around, I feel like smiling and crying at the same time... I think I'm a psycho or maniac or someone crazy. *Sigh* I can't even do house chores properly. How am I suppose to live my life. I'm young and I'm still trying to learn from my mistakes. I dunno how to properly express what I'm actually going through.

I live, learn and laugh but I also feel pain, sadness and jealousy. Now all I'm doing is writing this post full of regrets, feelings and naive-ness. I really want to be a good person but to be a good person is so hard. You'll have to be kind, patient and all those good morals. I want to be loved by my friends and someone special. I hope that when I go to bed now, I can suppress my sadness and wake up to a better tomorrow...

I'll try to be a better person and a healthy child...

By,

A Regretful Person

*By the way, I love you, H...